BBQ party dilemma

     Over the memorial day weekend we attended a barbecue at my husband's friend's place.  Everyone was drinking...except the kids of course.  It was probably one of the hardest experiences I've had since becoming sober.  At first I was ok with the scenario and did my best to keep a positive outlook, but as time passed and people became more "friendlier" as the alcohol flourished it started to bother me.

     I think the most intense feeling I had was jealousy.  I was angry that all these people could drink and have fun, but I couldn't.  Then when I saw my husband feeling buzzed and enjoying himself I got really angry.  It wasn't fair!  It's not that I wanted to drink, it was more I didn't want everyone else to drink.

     There was a game they were playing called flip cup that looked really fun.  I didn't play because I wasn't drinking, but I really wanted to.  Finally, after about 3 hours I told my husband I wanted to go home.  Just as we were about to leave they invited him to play the flip cup game.  He asked me if I would cheer him on, knowing full well that I wanted to play that game but couldn't.  I know he wasn't thinking clearly, but come on!  I was pissed.  I went inside and waited for him to finish.  All the way home I was about to explode with anger.

     Looking back I now see some things I could have done differently.  I could have played the flip cup game with a non-alcoholic drink.  I could just avoid those parties altogether.  I'm sure as time passes these type of events will get easier, but still deep down inside I think I will always have a bitterness towards people who are drinking and having fun.