I fucked up!
So last friday I was fired right before I hit my 90 day probation period. They said my skill level wasn't what they expected and thought I should be farther along than I was after 3 months. I was crushed. I knew I wasn't progressing like I expected for myself, but to hear someone else say it was like being punched in the stomach and slapped in the face at the same time.
I left and immediately reverted to my old way of thinking...I want to numb my feelings and not think about it. I tried calling a couple people, but did not have all the phone numbers I should have programmed in my phone (I do now). Since no one answered I headed straight to the liquor store and bought a pint of vodka. I went home and made a drink. My husband ended up calling me back and told me to do what I was already thinking of doing...dumping the rest of the bottle out. I did and fortunately did not get wasted like I planned.
I still felt like shit, but at least I didn't get hungover and vomit all over myself like the last time I got drunk.
New sobriety date = 06-09-2012
It is generally believed that many of those with bipolar disorder also struggle with alcoholism or substance abuse. Researchers, as well as many of those caught in the cycle of addiction, believe the use of these substances is an attempt to alleviate symptoms or to "self-medicate."
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