It's been over 2 months sober for me now and it seems to be going well. I don't have cravings to drink as often as I used to, but they still pop up usually when something stressful comes about. Sometimes when my son is being difficult, and trust me he can be difficult, I want to drink. Whenever there is a social gathering I sometimes want to drink to calm my nerves. Although, I never drink the amount to just calm my nerves, I end up drinking the amount to pass out and deaden them.
Last night was a social gathering for my husbands work. Clients were there, plus colleagues, and children were invited too. So not only was I responsible for my actions, but I was responsible for my son as well; talk about a stressor. The event was at 4pm, so of course around 1pm while my son was napping I thought I should have a glass of wine while I am getting ready. Immediately after that thought crossed my mind, another thought ran through screaming you idiot! I knew better; I knew what would end up happening if I had that glass of wine. I would finish the whole damn bottle and be lit by the time we arrived at the gathering. Then while at the restaurant I would take advantage of the free bar. By the end of the night I would have done something stupid that I would regret and my husband would be infuriated with me.
I decided I had to do something right away to occupy my mind. It was too early to put on makeup or do my hair, so I painted my nails and updated my computer (I usually use my husbands because mine is freakin' slow). After a short while I didn't have that desire to drink anymore. It is hard to overcome that strong urge to drink, but I think I can do it with the help of others in the meetings, blogging, and through my sponsor.
That's another thing, I finally found a sponsor I truly relate to. She is bipolar, non-christian, and not pushy. I announced at my last AA meeting that I needed a sponsor, but to keep in mind I'm an atheist so don't offer to sponsor me if you can't handle that. I had wanted this woman I have been talking with to sponsor me but I was too scared to ask, so instead I made that announcement to see if she would come to me, and she did. Yeah!
In the end my husbands work event turned out great, and I feel I did a good job being a supportive wife and mother. It's a great feeling to know I avoided an alcohol related catastrophe, I think I'll keep it up.
It is generally believed that many of those with bipolar disorder also struggle with alcoholism or substance abuse. Researchers, as well as many of those caught in the cycle of addiction, believe the use of these substances is an attempt to alleviate symptoms or to "self-medicate."
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.