Sunday, October 30, 2011

New York! New York!

My husband is a financial advisor and occasionally goes on business trips.  He's going on one this week... to New York!  It's so not fair.
Not only is he getting to go to New York, they are putting him up in the Ritz!  C'mon man!  I am sooo jealous.  I've never been to New York.  We live in the LA area so it is pretty expensive to fly out there.
I'm going to be at home with our two year old son for 4 days, while my husband is living it up in New York city.  WTF?!?!
I wanna go so bad, but we can't afford it right now.  With Christmas around the corner we are trying to keep things out of the red.
It's not just that he is going to New York without me;  two years ago, when I was pregnant with our son, he was in a wedding party that took place in Jamaica.  I didn't go because I was pregnant and we were saving money to get a new place for our family.
It seems as if I miss out on all the fun stuff.  I know this is just my outlook on it, but I wanna go somewhere and make him jealous now.  Is that childish of me?

Monday, October 24, 2011

Psychiatric nurse practitioner or Psychiatrist

What's the difference? I wanted to know because my insurance company just scheduled me an appointment with a Psychiatric nurse practitioner instead of a psychiatrist.  So I looked it up in wikipedia :-).  
A nurse practitioner must obtain at least six to ten years of post-secondary education and then complete 600 clinical hours.
A psychiatrist must do at least 8 years then they must practice as a psychiatric resident for another four years.
The odd thing is they can both diagnose and prescribe.  I know most nurses in other practices cannot do that.  I don't see much difference between the two, especially if the nurse practitioner attends 8 years of school as well.  
If anyone knows different please comment.  Thanks.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Football Sunday and Anti-Socialization

I love football Sunday!  Just relaxing at home all day with my family.  Not having to go anywhere or do anything. It plays to my anti-social side.  I've never liked going out and "socializing".  I would prefer to stay at home on a friday night rather than go out to a party.  Especially now that I am not drinking I would definitely rather stay home.
I guess that's why I married someone who is more social than me.  It's not just that he likes to socialize with friends, but he talks to complete strangers also.  One day when he was walking around the neighborhood with our son he saw two boys playing outside with their parents and he just started chatting them up.  Now our son is friends with those two boys and they have play dates, which is nice, but if it were up to me I would have never done that.  Since we've been married I have come out of my shell more, but I do have barriers.
The question I have is, are outgoing personalities something that is learned or something that is genetic?  Because, when I was younger I really was an introvert.  I see my son at the park or a public place and he is usually not the one to go up to other kids...he just does his own thing until someone comes up to him.  I believe he gets that from me.  While my husband is the one to go up to others and his parents are a lot like that also.  My parents, especially my mom, are extroverts and so is my brother.
I think that socializing qualities involve a little bit of both genetics and learned behavior; only because I have become more outgoing over the years, even though I don't really enjoy it.
Who knows...all I know is I really enjoy a quiet day at home every now and then.

How do I make my blog popular?

Ok so maybe I am vain or selfish in the way that I want people to read my blog.  I just want to be popular.  Doesn't everyone.  In real life I don't really care...most of the time.  But now that I am writing about my life I sort of want people to pay attention.  I am an interesting person trust me.
I have bipolar disorder and must be on medication or I turn into a crazy person who either thinks she is a god or wants to end it all.  I can't drink alcohol because it messes with my medication and brings me closer to the wants to end it all side.  I don't believe in god or at least I choose not to worship a god...that's why I call myself agnostic.  I have a pretty cute 2 year old son, a cat, and a great husband.
Well the last part does make me sound a little boring, being a housewife can be exciting though...they make tv shows about it don't they?
So they say I need to post my blog on all these other websites related to blogging...I did.  Now we'll see...

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


There is no great genius without a mixture of madness.

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
George Bernard Shaw

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Finding a home group...

So I attended an AA meeting tonight and I think it might be a place I'd go back to.  The people there were all really different and most were not spouting off god this and jesus that.  Of course there were a few "religious" people, but I'm sure there will always be no matter what home group I choose.

There was one man there who had been sober 23 years as an atheist.  He gave me hope.  I think if I make AA my higher power I can do this sober thing!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

When the past comes back to haunt you...

Ok so mostly every alcoholic has probably had a run in with a DUI...mine was in 2005.  I have put it behind me since it has been 6 years and in another 4 years it will be off my driving record hopefully.

Anyhow, I am currently trying to get approved to take a test to be a registered vet technician in the state of california.  I just received a letter in the mail basically accusing me of lying on my application and that i need to provide them with certified documentation of the court information, any follow up probation information, and blah blah blah of the crime that I committed.  I didn't realize that I had committed a crime and so when it asked on my application I had put no.  I thought a DUI was a traffic violation and did not think to mention it.  Guess I was wrong!

Now they need all this "certified" documentation by next friday! WTF!  I wanna drink...but I know that won't make anything better.   Gotta deal with this.  One day at a time!


Thursday, October 13, 2011

Agnostic bipolar alcoholic

Those three words should not all go together, but they do...that is me.  A total chaotic mess!  Oddly I became agnostic close to around the time I was diagnosed bipolar...I've been an alcoholic since I was a teen...and probably bipolar since then too.

I've been addicted to reading other peoples blogs that somehow relate to me for the past day and a half (I have to be addicted to something right!).  It's amazing what I found.  I've added a few blogs in my blog list section.
Thanks for reading.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

My first blog

I think I should tell a bit about myself...besides the fact that I am Bipolar and am an alcoholic.

I am 31 years old and was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder when I was in the Air Force at the age of 24.

I have a 2 year old son who challenges me with his stubbornness that he gets from me and his dad.

I recently started attending AA meetings and am discouraged due to the fact that my religious belief has been agnostic for the past several years.

I am currently on medications that help stabilize my disorder, but have struggled with drinking my entire adult life.

I started drinking when I was 17 years old. I believe I was on the manic side most of my life and self medicated with alcohol throughout my early 20s. When I went into the Air Force I did not drink of course because I was in basic training and then tech school. During tech school I had a major manic episode and was hospitalized and eventually discharged.

Once out of the Air Force I stopped taking the medication they put me on and did not follow up with treatment. I drank excessively and eventually was in such a depressive state that I attempted suicide. I almost died. Lets just say that 2004 was one of the years I would like to completely eliminate from my memories.

Thanks for reading this and I would love to hear anyone else's comments and stories!