Sunday, April 22, 2012

Mania or just a joy for life?

I recently went back to work after 2 1/2 years of staying at home with my son.  It is giving me a new sense of pride and satisfaction I haven't felt in a long time.

Being bipolar, I am constantly keeping my feelings and emotions in check.  If they get out of control it can send me on a downward spiral like it has in the past.

The problem recently is I've been on a high; being able to take care of numerous things quicker than normal, occasionally having a hard time falling asleep, and having a sense of overall positive attitude no matter what.  I've also been inpatient with my son more than usual, but that could be because he's in his terrible twos.

One of the medications I'm on is an anti-depressant that my doctor put me on several years ago because I was in a deep depression.  Over the years I have lowered the strength that I've been on.  My most recent psychiatrist noted that he would like to take me off it completely; in fact he lowered my dosage on the anti-depressant and upped my mood stabilizer.  A couple weeks after that, I noticed I was feeling signs of depression.  I decided to go back up to the strength of antidepressant I was on.  My reasoning behind adjusting my own meds is that I know my emotions best and can judge whether I am needing an adjustment or not.

Which brings me to my question...are my feelings of elation due to the new change in my life? And if so, should I lower my antidepressant to alter it.  It's nice being on somewhat of a high, but that is what leads us bipolar's into trouble.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Doctor day

Well I'm sitting waiting at the doctors for my two year old son who has been sick with a "cold" for over a week now. I'm worried its something more serious but I have a feeling there's not much they are going to be able to do.
Earlier today the kid and I were waiting at my doctors because on Saturday I "threw my back out"...whatever that means.  All I know is its paralyzing where I don't even want to move for fear of the pinching sharp pain to return to my lower back.
We had a big weekend too, which made it even worse that this happened. I hurt myself Saturday morning while we were packing because we were going to drop off my son at my moms for the night while we went to a surprise birthday party for my cousin. Before all that though we drove up to my husbands parents to visit his sister and her clan. Its my husbands nephew and neices birthday this month. So after that we headed down to my moms, then to the party,  and then to my grandmas for the night. The next day everyone gathered at my grandmas for Easter fun. My son was the only kid so he got spoiled.  It was so great to watch him color eggs, find, and then hide them.
My mom was stoked that I agreed she could bring Luke to her church Easter morning because she was going to have him at her house. I didn't think it was fair that she miss her church service just because she was watching him. I told her it was OK because I don't think he could be brainwashed or indoctrinated on just one occasion. But it will most likely not happen again any time soon.
Still waiting at the doctors...hope they can help my little one.