Monday, July 4, 2016

Staying Busy

A little over a month ago I accepted a job at the animal shelter I have been volunteering at for a few years. I hadn't been interested in going to work for them until recently when I realized having too much time on my hands is dangerous.

Its been over four months now since my brother has passed. The first month I know I was in a depression because I slept a lot and ate a lot. I allowed myself that comfort with the feeling of entitlement.

About 2 months ago I believe is when I started snapping out of it and realizing if I dont do something with my time this could continue much longer.
Im not saying its bad to grieve; I still think of my brother every day. Its just I know he wouldnt want me lying in bed all day crying and imagining what if scenarios.

This new job is bringing me much needed joy in my life.

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Anger and Sadness in Grief

There are a lot of things going through my mind lately.

My younger brother passed away on Valentines Day due to alcoholism.  He struggled with it even more than I have and could not stop.

I miss him so much for so many reasons.  If anyone could truly understand me it was him.  Days go by and I think if only Bryan were here he would understand.

I am living this life of bipolar, addiction, and despair.  Now more than ever loneliness has crept in and defeated my resolve.  Anger has been mixed with sadness.  Hate with love.  Memories keep flooding in and creating a sad longing for old times.

When all is said and done I guess I have to keep on living for others in my life.  I don't want to do anything sometimes.  I want to drown my sorrows in alcohol, but what good will that do.