Sunday, April 22, 2012

Mania or just a joy for life?

I recently went back to work after 2 1/2 years of staying at home with my son.  It is giving me a new sense of pride and satisfaction I haven't felt in a long time.

Being bipolar, I am constantly keeping my feelings and emotions in check.  If they get out of control it can send me on a downward spiral like it has in the past.

The problem recently is I've been on a high; being able to take care of numerous things quicker than normal, occasionally having a hard time falling asleep, and having a sense of overall positive attitude no matter what.  I've also been inpatient with my son more than usual, but that could be because he's in his terrible twos.

One of the medications I'm on is an anti-depressant that my doctor put me on several years ago because I was in a deep depression.  Over the years I have lowered the strength that I've been on.  My most recent psychiatrist noted that he would like to take me off it completely; in fact he lowered my dosage on the anti-depressant and upped my mood stabilizer.  A couple weeks after that, I noticed I was feeling signs of depression.  I decided to go back up to the strength of antidepressant I was on.  My reasoning behind adjusting my own meds is that I know my emotions best and can judge whether I am needing an adjustment or not.

Which brings me to my question...are my feelings of elation due to the new change in my life? And if so, should I lower my antidepressant to alter it.  It's nice being on somewhat of a high, but that is what leads us bipolar's into trouble.

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