Thursday, June 21, 2012

So Confused

I really don't know what to do.  The big question I disabled and unable to work?

Being bipolar, sometimes I don't know what mental problems I'm experiencing are contributed to this or just natural aging or stress.  I know my mind does not function like a "normal" person's, but to what extent?

The reason I am having this confusion is because my disability income ended due to the fact that they consider me no longer disabled.  They came to this conclusion because I had accumulated so many months of substantial employment.  The most recent being the job I worked for less than 90 days that fired me for not progressing according to their expectations.  I hadn't worked for over 2 years prior to this job.

I went ahead and decided to reapply for my benefits.  I was at the social security office practically all day today.  The whole time I had an internal debate occurring on whether I am still disabled or not.

I still take medications for being bipolar and I know if not on these medications I would be severely unstable.  While on the medications though, I am able to function as a normal member of society.  I have been able to take care of my son and raise him for almost 3 years now.  There are moments when I feel I am short tempered, but most people are when raising a toddler.

When trying to go back to work I felt extremely stressed.  When I was put in a situation where I had to preform my technical skills there were moments I felt inadequate.  I am inexperienced and need more training, but I feel almost untrainable because I didn't pick up the skills I should have over a 3 month period.

So the big this struggle of going back to work due to my disability, a need for more training, or normal stress?  Arrrrgh!

1 comment:

  1. Don't be so hard on yourself! Being let go is the worst thing ever, but you're just getting back to work and I don't think it at all means that you're untrainable or can't work or anything like that. Have more self confidence than that! You went to work every day, did your job, and so what, it wasn't a good fit, it just means there is probably an even better opportunity for you around the corner! As I recall, you hated working there anyway. Maybe they did you a favor so you can find a place you actually enjoy working with people who are nice for a change! : )


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