Friday, December 2, 2011

I survived a social event...

It's been over 2 months sober for me now and it seems to be going well.  I don't have cravings to drink as often as I used to, but they still pop up usually when something stressful comes about.  Sometimes when my son is being difficult, and trust me he can be difficult, I want to drink.  Whenever there is a social gathering I sometimes want to drink to calm my nerves.  Although, I never drink the amount to just calm my nerves, I end up drinking the amount to pass out and deaden them.

Last night was a social gathering for my husbands work.  Clients were there, plus colleagues, and children were invited too.  So not only was I responsible for my actions, but I was responsible for my son as well; talk about a stressor.  The event was at 4pm, so of course around 1pm while my son was napping I thought I should have a glass of wine while I am getting ready.  Immediately after that thought crossed my mind, another thought ran through screaming you idiot!  I knew better; I knew what would end up happening if I had that glass of wine.  I would finish the whole damn bottle and be lit by the time we arrived at the gathering.  Then while at the restaurant I would take advantage of the free bar.  By the end of the night I would have done something stupid that I would regret and my husband would be infuriated with me.

I decided I had to do something right away to occupy my mind.  It was too early to put on makeup or do my hair, so I painted my nails and updated my computer (I usually use my husbands because mine is freakin' slow).  After a short while I didn't have that desire to drink anymore.  It is hard to overcome that strong urge to drink, but I think I can do it with the help of others in the meetings, blogging, and through my sponsor.

That's another thing, I finally found a sponsor I truly relate to.  She is bipolar, non-christian, and not pushy.  I announced at my last AA meeting that I needed a sponsor, but to keep in mind I'm an atheist so don't offer to sponsor me if you can't handle that.  I had wanted this woman I have been talking with to sponsor me but I was too scared to ask, so instead I made that announcement to see if she would come to me, and she did.  Yeah!

In the end my husbands work event turned out great, and I feel I did a good job being a supportive wife and mother.  It's a great feeling to know I avoided an alcohol related catastrophe, I think I'll keep it up.

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